Self-diagnosis

I am feeling much better today. The past few days were not very pleasant. Not sure why I am better today, but I am.
Here is what I think is going on:
It is either severe PMS, much worth than what I usually experience. The physical symptoms came excessively earlier. (My boobs are killing me, which according to my ogyn is a good sign, lots of good estrogen which means menopause is far away. This in itself pisses me off! What do I still have to suffer for; it is not as if I can have any kids. However, that is a topic on its own)
I know one thing for sure; I need to watch my PMS symptoms over the next couple of month. This one has been so bad it scared me.

And this is why I suspect, well I wonder if I could be depressed (yes, I said it, depressed). It is such an ugly word, but not considering it could be a mistake.

I think having an ugly personality during PMS is one thing, but being so sad and crying all the time over every little thing is another. Everything sets me off and no matter what anyone (mostly DH) said made me either really upset, so first I get all snappy or than I cry over being so ugly (you see writing this makes me cry). I am so sad over so many things, a lot of it having to do with our childlessness and so much about knowing how negatively it must affect my relationship with DH.

He does not know what to do when he sees me sitting there crying, unexpected. In addition, the problem being is that I am not sure myself half of the time, so I am not sure what to tell him. I know he thinks it must be him and I am trying to do my best telling/showing him that I love him, but it cannot be easy for him to believe me sometime, especially when I turn around and rip off his head a second later.

However, I did so much as tell him last night that I might be a candidate for some happy pillsJJ. He asked why and I told him that sure, I am having PMS right now, but I think that it could be more, just because of the way I am feeling.

So, I think I will have to make an appointment with my Dr. .Which one should I see my house doc or the obgyn?

Now, that in itself has me worried. How will this affect our chances for adopting a child, a potential adoptive mom having had a consult about depression and maybe being on “happy pills”? I am sure this will be added to my medical history when they update our home study, yet something else to worry about. It is not as if this whole process is soothing to ones mind and soul.

Maybe it’s a sign?!?!?! Maybe it’s not meant to be?!?!?!