...turning into a sob story!!

Thanksgiving was fine. I went to hubby's fire station and cooked dinner there. Not the same as being at home (I love entertaining at home), but still better than being all by myself.
Not too sure what to make of his crew and their family. We'll see how I feel meeting them next time around. (I shouldn't really go by how I am currently feeling anyways)

Sooooo, TG is over and usually I am knee hight in x-mas deco by the weekend. Not so this year. Due to remodel all the stuff is under the house, and there is no way I am going under there to get all the boxes. And DH? He is busy working outside. I so wanna bitch at him (and so many other things as well). Once again it's all about getting things done outside. He keeps forgetting that I am here, inside spending the holidays by myself, or the lack of.
I KNOW I shouldn't complain! I have a husband who actually gets things done, but everytime he dives into a project, that's all he thinks about.

Let's see if he remembers that we made plans to go downtown tonight for the "Christmas Delight Open House". If he forgets I am going to be in an even worse mood (I am currently in in a very shitty mood partially triggered by PMS ).

I don't like feeling this way. I don't like being all depressed over the things that will never be. I don't like feeling this sadness.
"What is the meaning if life?" I ask. What is the meaning of my life? Well, right now at this moment in time, I do believe there isn't any for me.
I don't believe we will ever have children and having children has always been very important to me. I have always seen myself, for as long as I can remember, like this: My loving husband coming home, me being in the kitchen cooking dinner, barefoot (I don't like shoes), surounded by a handful of small children and pregnant with another.

I know, I know, this is so not emancipated. So not what a lot of woman thrive for these days, and even though I didn't have a perfect childhood (far from it), this is what I always wanted and thought it would life be like this.

I am worried that this dream not coming true for me will jeopardize the good things I have in my life.
I am worried me getting into these "funks" will sooner or later have DH say "enough".
I need to find a way to be happy again. I can not remember the last time I didn't cry for an entire day, or laughed so hard my belly hurt. I miss being happy.

For goodness sake, why do I have to feel this way? Is this "MY MEANING OF LIFE"?